As Hosea’s 3rd birthday is approaching in a couple days, I feel like talking about his life.
Nathan and I had two beautiful little girls–Micaiah Joy (2 yrs.) and Eden Grace (16 mo.)–when our third child, Hosea Nathan, was born. He was born perfectly healthy and the joy of our home! We were ecstatic about having a little man to add to our growing crew. We had 3 kids under the age of 3, which was absolutely crazy, but so much fun!
Four weeks later, on a Saturday evening, as I went to feed my son I found that he was no longer breathing. While paramedics tried everything, Hosea had already breathed his last breath in this life and had passed silently into eternity. There was nothing wrong with our son. SIDS is what they called it (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). The medical world is baffled by this “disease” because there are not genetic links, no known causes, and no forewarning signs.
7 out of 1,000 infants in the USA die of SIDS each year.
Needless to say, our family was shaken to the core of what we believed about God and life. Everything we had ever known was in the beginning stages of being “disassembled” and we have been on a three year journey of being “reassembled.”
We have grieved the loss of our son, the dreams we had for him, and the place he held in our family. We still talk about him, but God has given us a new picture of our son. He is not dead; rather he truly is alive and well in heaven. We have hope of seeing him again someday because of what Christ did on the cross for us 2,ooo years ago.
Hosea was born on Palm Sunday so Easter is a special reminder each year of the special Hope that we have because Christ rose from the dead. For if Christ had not risen, we would be hopeless indeed. We would have no hope of being reunited or living in eternity together.
While there is still an ache in our hearts to hold our son/brother, and tears of sorrow still spill over from time to time, we can say emphatically that God is healing our family’s hearts in a way we never dreamed possible 3 years ago. We have come to know Truth about Him that we never knew before and our faith has becoming unshakeable.
While consecutive children never, ever replace one that you no longer get to raise, God has blessed us with a fourth child, another son, Asher Hosea. His name means “happy” and he has been full of joy since the day he was born. We are thankful beyond words for the life and joy that Asher carries.
For anyone who has lost someone, the journey is messy and actually quite ugly at times. And there are no easy answers to make the pain go away. But there is a Hope that can be found and a Peace that can come.
We are thankful for people who have allowed us to be real with where we are at–accepting us, mess and all!
Where are you at on your journey? Have you found Hope and Peace or do you still feel like you are drowning in grief? I’d love to hear your heart below! Feel free to leave your comments.