Today marks 11 years since my little man Hosea Nathan went to heaven. In many ways it feels like a lot of time has past because we have lived so much life in the last 11 years…so much change, so many hardships, and equally as many joys.
But in so many ways, it also feels just like yesterday that I was holding him, changing his diaper, and trying to keep his sisters from smothering him with their kisses.
At times, I still look at my children, Micaiah, Eden, and Asher and see the “gap” where Hosea fit so perfectly between the younger two. I oftentimes wonder what it would’ve been like for Asher to have his big brother to wrestle and play basketball with. And there’s a small wave of sadness.
I’ve learned in the last 11 years how to take the sadness, that used to have the sting of death, and turn it into a song of life and praise.
I know there are so many others who have felt that sting and long for a song to return to their hearts. Mamma’s who pray for their living children who have lost their way, or mamma’s who have lost children. What I didn’t realize in the early years after Hosea went to heaven was how when you walk through loss or trauma it’s not just the initial loss that is so devastating, but all the secondary and micro losses that come as a result of the macro loss – whether it’s job losses, marital strain, financial hardship, or the effects on your other children as they deal with lies that try and sneak in because of trauma.
The micro losses are oftentimes just as hard, if not harder, because most people around you (including ourselves at times) are unaware of them. It can take just as much time and intentionality to work through these as it does to navigate the initial loss.
As I’ve journeyed through my own macro and micro losses over the years, I’ve come to the place where no matter the storm, Truth is my anchor – Truth as God’s Word states it. Even when I don’t like it. Even when I don’t feel it. And even when Gods Truth doesn’t seem to be lining up with what my experiences are screaming at me. And Truth as Gods Word states it, not what society twists it to be in order to make personal choices more convenient and allowable. Just Truth. Solid, unchanging, always-reliable Truth as God’s Word says it. I’ve learned I have to remove my own lenses of pain, experience, and circumstance when I come to the Word in order to allow the Holy Spirit to speak Truth to my heart.
This is the crossroads moment each of us has to face. Will we succumb to creating our own truth out of our painful experiences and the result in lies or will we stand, firmly rooted and grounded in God’s Truth?
Our family has been walking through a difficult trial that has been in the wake of Hosea going to heaven. I had purchased a necklace with the words “Truth” written on it to remind me in this ongoing trial to stay focused on what is unchanging – that Jesus is my Truth no matter how dark the night.
Five months ago today, during the heat of this “battle” my necklace disappeared. I was extremely sad and disappointed, as this held a special place in my heart of what I have been standing on and believing for…God Truth to prevail over
I’ve searched all over and have a specific spot in my closet where my necklaces hang. It was not there. I’ve checked numerous times over the last few months and prayed it would show up.
This week was a tough week regarding the trial we’d been walking through. Two days ago I walked into my closet and the words Truth caught my eye. I couldn’t believe it! My necklace was hanging right there on the hook I’d checked many times before!
I knew the Lord was telling me Truth will prevail and to not waiver or be shaken. It has been exactly 5 months since that day “truth” disappeared, and honestly, with it went a little hope. But 5 is the number of Grace. I know the Lord was telling me, 5 mo the later, His Truth HAS won in this situation we are walking through and that His Grace is enough.
If you are walking through a dark night or have a heavy heart, know that His Truth is your firm foundation. It’s the only thing that is unchanging. And it is enough.
I’ve had many days where I speak (scream at the top of my lungs) the Truth – not that the intensity of my voice makes a difference (although it might to my neighbors!). But it’s doing something in ME when I take my authority as God’s child and declare what is True, even when it doesn’t seem like it. This, my friend, is one of our greatest “super powers” as a believer in Christ. We have the ability to “walk by faith, not by sight.”
When all appears bleak or hopeless or lost, it isn’t. Faith gives you eyes to see in the spirit what isn’t yet here on earth. Faith is like a “sixth sense” that we,as disciples of Christ, have the privilege of walking in.
So today, I choose to exercise my supernatural ability to walk by faith and stand on Truth, regardless of what my eyes see. I declare that:
“In the name of Jesus Christ, Death you have been defeated. You have lost your sting. The grave does not win.
Jesus, the Messiah, the Risen One conquered death and the grave once and for all.
Jesus, you are Life. You don’t just give life. You ARE Life. You breathe dead things back to life. I declare today that where the enemy has come after our children to rob and steal their callings, he has been defeated by the King of all Kings. At The name of Jesus, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord!”
Jesus came to “sozo” the hurting, broken, and lost. ‘Sozo’ means “saved, healed, and delivered.” We chose “Hosea Nathan” as our son’s name because it means “salvation, gift of God”. Hosea is our family’s reminder of God’s “sozo”…his salvation, healing, and deliverance. And even though the enemy has come hard at us, he loses. We win. Because Jesus has won.
So today, on Hosea’s 11th Heaven Day, may you be “Sozoed” in Jesus’ name. If you have not tasted his salvation, if you need His healing, or if you’re desperate for His deliverance, cry out to Him.
And stand on the Truth. HIS Truth.
“In this world you will have trials. But take heart, I have overcome the world.”
Because HE has overcome, you have too.