Today I find myself struggling to verbalize all that is in my heart. With the holidays coming there is oftentimes mixed emotions for many people–especially those who have experienced loss. Those losses might be people, things, or even dreams. But the holidays seem to have a way of stirring up those places in us that just might need a deeper level of healing. It’s up to us to pursue. Thankfully, this is a process with no time constraints. And it looks different for every individual.
A good friend of mine, who has experienced many losses in her lifetime, said that she was making a choice this holiday season to not “brace for impact.” Her father committed suicide when she was 19 so holidays have always been hard for her without him here. I think many of us probably do the same thing.
Our family has definitely braced for impact the last three holiday seasons. Getting misty eyed and feeling twinges of sadness are normal human responses, but our prayer has been that we will go to a new level of healing in our hearts this season and be able to rejoice in all that is before us. This is a difficult statement for me to make, even now. I am so thankful for my 3 beautiful children and my amazing husband, our incredible church family, and God’s many blessings.
This summer we went to a ministry called Restoring the Foundations. It was an unbelievable ministry that helps to restore things that have been stolen in your life through life hurts or lies you’ve believed. My life was forever changed going through that week of ministry. To my surprise however, the Lord did not even bring up stuff in regards to Hosea. This has been the biggest heartache of my life, so I thought this is what we would deal with. But He knows best and knew that I first needed to deal with other past things before I could step into more healing for the loss of our son.
We have the awesome privilege of walking through that next phase this weekend with a couple who is a Restoring the Foundations team. They are in town visiting and we asked if they could squeeze us in.
In all honestly, I am a little scared to “go there.” Everything in me wants to continue moving forward and experience those deeper levels of hope and healing. There was a lot of trauma surrounding the death of our son and while we have healed so very much over the past few years just from learning some key truths about our Father God, we have not dealt with the trauma of the moment. The RTF teams are so loving and amazing and I am expecting great things from the Lord.
We would love it if you would pray with us this weekend as the Lord helps us take one more step forward in this journey. Pray for courage, wisdom, and breakthrough.
And we pray, this holiday season, for those who have lost and want this year to be different. It can be! This is how we have chosen to not “brace for impact.” As a family, we will just continue to chase after our healing and freedom with everything in us.